Reflexii

Daca insiruirea de cuvinte pe hartie ar putea sa imi aduca mereu alinare, as scrie munti si munti de pagini fara sa-mi pese de protejarea padurii.
dar uneori cred ca e nevoie de mai mult de atat. parca sunt pierduta si nu-mi gasesc locul. cu greu ma pot despartii de un loc in care stau, in care invat, in care lucrez, in care traiesc.  imi place sa plec de acasa, dar dupa ce o fac vreau mereu sa ma intorc. sa zicem ca e de la vreme, hormoni, primavara, stres, frig si alte boli de inima..... sau sunt doar eu, indecisa, absurda, seaca, fara dorinte, teluri, aspiratii, fara trecut, fara viitor, fara greseli invatate, fara sprijin, fara vointa, fara sens, fara griji de om mare, fara putere de a creste sau a minti pe cineva ca eu sunt "the one"
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*poza de aici

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peste tot dai de oameni rai,  urati, ciudosi, iar eu, desi constienta de starea general-intalnita in toate colectivele de oameni, singura, nu pot sa le fac fata, sa ii infrunt, si sa fiu doar EU, sigura pe ce pot...
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mi-as cumpara niste vise, altele decat cele care ma plaseaza intr-o casa frumos si modern decorata, cu caine care imi aduce ziarul, cu sot care nu inceteaza sa ma surprinda, placut, cu munca fara stres, cu bani cat sa-mi permit permisibilul, cu copil cu ochi albastrii care vrea sa se faca doctor, cu familie sanatoasa, cu griji putine, cu sentiment de implinire interioara. Uneori as vrea sa ma visez bancher, sofer de tir, bucatar, deputat sau analist. doctor sau pompierita. ceva....altceva.

Malade

Piele de gaina.....

mi-am ridicat boxele pe birou stanga dreapta si imi intra prin piele, fiecare nota....mai citesc si versurile (asa aproximative cum sunt ele traduse in engleza) haotic absurd si parca mai rau patrunde in mine...

I no longer dream I do not smoke

I have even more history

I am dirty without you

I am ugly without you

I am like an orphan in a dormitory

I no longer want to live my life

My life stops when you leave

I board more life and even my bed

Transforms into station platform

When you go

I am sick

completely sick

Like when my mother went out in the evening

And she left me alone with my despair

I am perfectly sick sick

You arrive you never know when

You leave again you never know where

And it will soon be two years

That you do not care

Like a rock

As a sin

I'm hooked on you

I'm tired I'm tired

Pretend to be happy when they are there

I drink every night

But all whiskeys

To me it tastes the same

And all boats carry your flag

I do not know where you're going anywhere

I am sick

completely sick

I shed my blood in your body

And I'm like a dead bird when you're sleeping

I am sick

perfectly sick

You have deprived me of all my songs

You've emptied all my words

Yet I had talent before your skin

This love is killing me

If this continues I'll die alone with me

Near my radio as a kid idiot

Listening to my own voice singing

I am sick

completely sick

Like when my mother went out in the evening

And she left me alone with my despair

I am sick

That's I am sick

You have deprived me of all my songs

You've emptied all my words

And my heart completely sick

Surrounded by barricades

I hear you sick