"Some adolescent boys are easy to understand. They seek approval for accomplishments.
They dream of winning the big game, playing guitar in a heavy metal band, and dating the prettiest girl in the school. Some adolescent boys do not dream of dating the prettiest girl in the school.
In folktales, adolescent boys go on quests for treasure. They overcome obstacles not by force of will, but instead by listening to advice from seemingly unimportant creatures. In the end, they marry a princess.
Some adolescent girls are harder to understand. On the surface they seem to care only
about shopping, clothes, music, science, mathematics, and movies - and talking about boys. Adolescent girls spend as much effort deciding what to approve as boys spend seeking approval . Some girls do not do any of these things.
But what mental processes do girls use to approve something?
(Contrary to popular belief, adolescent girls aren't sheep. They don't buy stuff solely because their peers bought it.)
In folktales, an old woman imprisons a young woman in a tower, castle, or kitchen (the old woman symbolizes the life stage the young woman is trying to grow out of). There the young woman passively waits for Prince Charming to recognize her beauty and rescue her. This is a metaphor that women want men to see their inner beauty, that each young woman feels that something stops men from seeing her emerging true nature, and that women feel love when a man breaks through that barrier. When a man connects to a woman's inner self, she gives her approval.
Similarly, women give their approval when clothes, music, or movies connect to their inner selves. Adolescents give and receive conditional love - love for what makes an individual special.You feel passionate love when you meet an individual who reflects the hidden elements of your personality. Men feel passion when they meet women who reflect their animus; women feel passion when they meet men who reflect their animus".......